Update as of Christmas

Holidays are hard, and so it would make complete sense that all the boys on the radar would appear on Christmas Day in a way that unravels. I came home from a week with the parents, as if that is not unsettling enough, to boys in all various states.

The Ex gave me a Christmas Gift -- a small token of friendship, really -- along with a beautiful note of forgiveness, gratefulness, and hope for forgiveness along with the hope for lasting friendship. It was beautiful, like the apology that never came finally was delivered on a simple card with a gift.

The Canadian had written me a letter that was waiting in the mail when I got home. It was a lengthy letter, and I'm still trying to digest all of its contents. He seems to have come to his senses, realizing that the underlying town of our friendship is romantic and that not only does he love me, but he is in love with me. Of course, this is four months after the camping trip where he dumped me after a summer of flirtation. More on that later.

The Paralegal is being incredibly flirty, but still can't seem to commit to a time to cross paths. We're supposed to hang out tonight. The minutes seem to be ticking by, and I'm trying to breathe through them. if it comes together, great, and if it doesn't, that's fine, too. I'm prepped to have a fun night out on the town.

Airport Guy is being very, very clingy, but is so stuck in his life and doesn't seem to want to move his life forward. Yet, he really is drawn to me. Why is it the most responsive boys are the most unavailable?

Development Guy called me on Christmas to see if I wanted to have lunch, which I think is code for a booty call. Not having any other lunch plan, I went and it seems that I was right on target. He confessed he did miss me while I was gone, but when we spend time together, I can't quite figure it out, but I just feel lonely, even with him there in the room. It's as if he is so not open to any sort of relationship, he's not even present when there is a person right there in front of him.

The Lawyer sent me a message late in the day on Christmas Day, indicating he was on his way to Chicago. He was, of course, fishing for plans, but didn't come out and say that. Now, today, he is wanting to cross paths to catch up. When he called, I didn't answer, it felt incredibly powerful to just let it go to voicemail. I was planning on blowing him off until tomorrow, but now, having not heard from The Paralegal, I'm flirting with giving in and having dinner and drinks with him. It's like crack on the living room table, sitting there in front of me.

Will I take it?