But then I received a text from him early Sunday morning. We bantered back and forth a bit, like two lovers plotting and cavorting while dozing in and out of an early morning slumber. I was kicking myself for having so much doubt, but at the same time, I was okay. The night before had been a blast, and I felt like I was fully present, going with the flow. Wondering how I ever managed to walk into the V.I.P. Club without paying cover. Wondering how I even found The Paralegal in the dark, smokey haze of what was clearly the mother alien ship.
There was a part of me that was okay with not hearing from him again. That I don't need him in my life, but if he chooses to be in my life, then I'm okay with that, too. But he has to choose to be just as much a part of my life as I may want to choose to be a part of his. And the text bantering continued.
He said he was going to go to the gym and would be watching a movie. I suggested that if he'd like some company during the movie, I'd come over. He responded promptly: absolutely. I figured if he was as tired as I was, that might not actually happen. And while it never did come together, we did continue bantering via text. And it was during this exchange that he admitted meeting me was the highlight of his night, and he loved hugging me. Hugging me was the best.
And so was hugging him.
Mid-day, I met up with Development Guy and we headed to the gym. It was a different feel, as if the night before had been healing in some way. Development Guy was Just Development Guy. We work out together. He's funny. He's sassy. And he absolutely refuses to open his heart. And that's just fine. Opening my heart to him won't heal his past pains.
And so, we lifted weights.
When I returned home, I wrote The Paralegal his haiku from the night before:
Light dances around
Fog envelops techno beat
His beauty sparkles
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